united sorry

I am sitting in front of my house.
The house is at the border of the forest.
In the forest is the deer.
We are very close.
Sometimes I am the deer.
Sometimes the deer is me.

I am alone and not alone.
I overlook the fields in the morning & evening mist.
Sometimes people visit me, one by one.

A. comes, I love him so much,
He is talking, I am listening.
I am with him,
And then he goes again….

L. comes.
She brings the warmth and mystery of the tropics.
She is in her own trip.
We share a tender cloud of bluish light.
Then she goes again.

I call for S.
He comes, but doesn’t feel ready yet to stay long.
He goes again. I love him.

S.. comes, from behind.
He already passed away.
We cry and laugh.
He has his own deer.
He is my brother.

P. comes.
He asks why I left my parents.
I said, I never did,
But I couldn’t adapt myself to their fears and wishes
He doesn’t understand.
He doesn’t see my deer.
I will kiss him. The next time he comes.

I call S. again.
He is afraid, he says.
I ask him no to be.
I ask him just to be with the deer.

M. comes from New York.
In tears.
I say, I love her.
Can that be enough to comfort her.

It wasn’t enough,
when I said it to my mother just before she died.
She was too scared,
of facing the final truth of her life.

Now she comes, from behind.
We hug intensely.
There are tears in her eyes.
She said I didn’t know.
I am sorry.

I say. It is okay now.
He also didn’t know what a kind of effect it had on me.
But I forgave him,
When he asked me if I could forgive him, just before he died.
I was happy to do it, I say.
She leaves me again.

F., comes.
He is sitting next to me.
We are smiling.
He is overlooking the fields,
Because he wants to know my situation.

He says,
he is tired.
Tired of doing good.
I say, stay for a while,
And rest, before you go back to your loved ones.
We are silent for a while.
Smiling
About the beauty of the world.

D. comes from behind, my very old friend
Who was always and never with me.
For the first time he shows me his real face,
And for the first time, I am not afraid anymore.
He says, it is time, to walk with me.
I say yes, it is time, it’s time to know you better.

I follow D. into the mist.
I am curious what will happen to me.