united sorry

so this is it, trying out a solo in front of a small, but nice and sympathetic public. i am worn out, but satisfied, this is what i want to learn more in the future, this mixture between storytelling and small movements ( within the limits of my capicities to dance) and afterwards I talk with some people from the audience, i didn’t know before. About what they do, what i do, etc.
the format of the solo seems okay, the content could be more elaborated, could go deeper in its drmaturgy. so i must work, but still i do not want to prepare so much in advance, before the show of tonight. i want to develop this piece right on stage, in front of the eyes of the public.

why is this , is it laziness? i am not sure, i am afraid when i think to much about it, i get to heady and i do not allow myself anymore to be open to what could appear in the space when the public and I look each other in the yes.

Of course there is already a storyline in my mind somewhere, because this specific storyline is the me who wants to appear now, we are the stories we live in, and in our life we have so much different stories to live and tell.

at the end this solo can become a elaborated story of a kid who was always considered as a fantast and a very vulnerable weirdo, and when this kid became an adult he found out that all these experiences of loneliness and rejection were only preparations for him to appear on stage and say to the people, hey people, i think, i could tell you something about silence/ death and transcendence from my perspective on life It is just a story from the perspective of one very specific mind, but this mind is as human as you, and i hope this solo could be start to get in dialogue. not by talking, but with our minds and bodies, whatever that means, when we can not touch each other. because you sit there at the public seats, and i am here on stage, working, dreaming.

so these are my afterthoughts, just coming out of bed, the sun is shining in berlin, i will walk to the streets and i mad emyself the promise not to drink too much caffe latte, espresso and capuccino.