united sorry

Last week we performed Feminine Delight in Vienna. I am happy that we were able to discover what we actually were doing on stage. Mainly we find the material by intuition during the rehearsal period, and only in front of the eyes of the public we start to understand the consequences of what we do.

The ritualistic structure of Feminine Delight revealed itself as something very strong, not only for us, but also for some people in the audience. We found a new freedom in accepting death and loss and possibilities to change your  life.

I also discovered, that my preparation for this show is mainly a mental one. I must understand exactly what it meant for myself as performer on a spiritual level. A lot of what I do refers to what I learned from my Korean teacher the shaman HI ah Park. The last evening she was in the audience, and saw me doing these things - like dancing the snake dance and going through a death process - which we also do in her workshop. I am not sure, if she even recognized them, because they are really made theatrical but the inspiration is clear for me. Afterwards she said, she liked it very much.

And now I ask myself where the magic of theatre matches her magical dancing within the healing practice as a shaman. The ambiguous meaning of the word acting comes now to my mind. At one side, there is acting in the way as playing/performing; at the other side there is acting in the way as getting into action. My way of acting comes close to get into acts, to execute certain ephemeral acts. Like introducing the world of death on stage, the energy of the snake.

And now I am in Leipzig, working at a company of youth theatre. I bring these kinds of ideologies in a circle of people, who never worked in this way. I feel like an exotic bird here, but still in a position where I can be taken serious, although perhaps my ideas aren’t immediately so clear for them.

I discover that I like to direct. I am not afraid anymore to confuse the actors with my searching. I trust the process, because I trust them. When you work for a company as a director, you must make a performance that is understood thoroughly by the actors themselves. Because when I go away after the premiere they must develop it further by playing in front of the audience, without me being there.

The best for me to do now is to fall in love with the work. I must fall in love as a director with the piece, but also all the others who work in this performance must fall in love, the actors, the set designers, the dramaturge. So my task is to provide a place where everyone can fall in love with what they do.

Not a bad task.