united sorry

What is the source of our thinking, of a thought?
In our consciousness, somewhere in a pre-state of mind where thoughts are still not crystallized in words, several different clouds of personal fears and desires float around. We can hardly grasp them, although they form the base of our character. At a certain moment these clouds get so condensed that they become fluid and start to rain in a manifestation of graspable thoughts.
So these different clouds are the source of our thinking. Most of these clouds are interrelated. To give some examples, a big cloud in my consciousness is the idea that there is no place for me, and that I must help others to deserve my place for instance in the family. I was born at a time that my parents were struggling to survive financially by working almost the whole day and evening. Later both they excused themselves for the fact they had no time for me.
Another cloud refers to my desire to fantasize and daydream, because I was so alone as a child, I started to make my own circle of friends in my mind, and made my own travels to a virtual abroad. This dreamed reality could become very real for me, and seductive to live in, I needed no one.
You can retrace such clouds in a lot of my thoughts, they generate or color my thoughts. By recognizing these sources we can start to take the thought not so serious anymore, ad free ourselves form our conditioning.

My wish is to get thoughts who do not come from my traumatized upbringing, I have to get open for thoughts of the soul. What does my soul want?

here you see  preparing myself to get in the right mood for the performances this week with milli, in a set of liza, assisted by toon, in the light of Jan and with the music of martin.