united sorry

going to avatar with rosane and maria in an i-max theatre

I met a man, who was quite young and nice So immediately I felt quite old and clumsy, I felt we could be soul mates with each other. For the good times and bad times. When i saw him, felt very close being with him, but i felt no physical attraction. I felt clearly a barrier between us, not only raised by my shyness, but certainly also by him, When I didn’t see him, i missed him physically. My body reacted strongly. I cultivated images about embracing him naked and i could predict what would happen when we would start hugging each other when we had no clothes on. But I never fantasized having sex with him and still I missed him.

This unfulfilled desire is an icon for New York. I feel a strong mixture of desires, longing to the other, and a dreamed reality among the people I meet here. They are all artists.

And this desire triggers of course my own love trauma. I discovered that the longing sometimes serves as the base for my work. I fell once in love with a poet, who didn’t want to become a poet. He was afraid for the life style of being an artist. By saying no to me, I became the poet.

As a poet, I want to reach my muse, over and over. The impossibility of being with him broke my heart, but the breaking of the heart was one of the first steps of feeling autonomous as an artist.

It was my rite of passage to become the person I am now, in the same way as the death of my father, functioned.

I love new york.

I enjoy myself being a singing leather daddy during the ending manifestation of spencer sweeney in the gavin brown’s enterprise gallery.  It was a rock opera, entitled TV Baby , done by a.r.e. weapons.