united sorry

these three pictures are dedicated to sebastian, with love

Today I buried a friend. His name was Sebastian Mork. I have seen the mask of death on his beautiful face. And a knife cuts through my soul. Es schneidet ein Messer durch meine Seele. Dear Sebastian, I loved you so much, you were my little brother, it was fun to be with you, when you cooked for me, when we had dinner, and suddenly we looked into each others eyes, twinkling eyes, and we stood up, only to do our favorite bird dance duet in the midst of the living room, we did our own version of a native American dance, we invented our own language, and it was even more beautiful how you talked me to sleep, when all kind of theories appeared in your mind, about creativity in the mind, pattern recognition in perception and you were whispering all your thinking in my ears and I was already dozing, perhaps even snoring. Accepting there would be never sex between us, Just enjoying the closest friendship in a bed made out of shared dreams, curiosity and recognition.

And now your dead. I was looking forward to meet you again, here in Vienna, after so long you did not contact me. More than a year ago I had the feeling that you already had died, you disappeared so totally, but then you reappeared again, newly born, trying to be more open to me, talking also more about why you made such a mess of your life. And why life & love was so amazingly difficult for you. So difficult. So amazingly difficult, as it, because you were so sweet, no, I can not say this, you were so sweet. You still are sweet, I am sorry, although life decided differently and in the so called reality you are not there anymore. I still can not say goodbye to you.

So whenever you need help again, call me, I will try to travel to you, wherever you are, you've got a friend, oh baby… And I am so sorry, I did not get the urgency of your sms in the middle of the night. I had no idea. I feel so much pain, when I see you alone on the street, wandering, perhaps looking for help… Your last words you sent me: "l love you", "ich liebe dich". I thank you for these words. I love you too.

A small detail which could elevate the mood perhaps. Good news is that Tuesday morning at 2.00 A.M , so in the middle of the night, the snake was born, I sewed her/him together, filled her, him with foam, and now he is definitely part of our performance. We didn't give him/her a name, just the word snake will do, and we did not decide the gender. But he or she is very welcome on stage and on planet earth.