united sorry

how to get intimate with yourself? that's my task for the coming days i suppose.

I must get intimate with my feet when i walk.

I must not deny, but get intimate with my nervousness when someone wants to play with me, just for the sake of playing.

i must accept that i am deadly serious now, and that i'm not in any mood to be seduced for the sake of only the play of seduction. so fuck off, when you are not really interested to meet me on an intitmate level.

I must learn to be intimate with what it means to be me, totally me, also to get intimate with the things I hide for myself, I never tell anyone about it. And I still do no want to get bothered about what others think about me.

But my ultimate task:

I must get intimate with the idea that sebastian died

to be intimate with the idea that sebastian died

that sebastian died

i must get intimate with his death

i must get intimate with death

death, here i come.

i will watch you in the face, like i looked into the death mask of sebastian, fully alive, and fully in tears.