united sorry

Seven o’clock early in the morning, central station in Berlin. I still have time for a coffee. You are laying in a chair, you are trying to sleep, the moment I pass, we look into each others eyes. A flash of curiosity. Who are you? I have my coffee, you are pretending to sleep. I loved to look at your face. I love your goatee, the black hairs on your hands. I imagine you have a little belly under your clothes. I imagine the body heat under your clothes, I imagine how your body is resting under its skin. I love you already even I don’t know you at all. I take the train.

We have cocktails in a small beautiful bar. Our bodies are touching each other. I feel the masculinity of my body in your proximity. I kiss you. You smile. And then it happens, i suddenly see a very beautiful, happy, open face. I meet the woman you are, the woman I always will remember.

You bought a dress, black, fairy tale like, dreamy. You showed it to me. I dreamt that we would go to the opera together. I would like to accompany you, I as a real gentleman, and you as a real lady , wearing this dress, as a delicate beautiful flower. Yes, you have a beautiful body in this dress, it fits you to be exposed in this princess like way. Yes, you are my princess, who knows and cant avoid the darkness of life.

We hardly meet. But when we meet, it is like a fairytale, because in my eyes you are a prince with moustache and glittering eyes. Actually, we are two stars traveling into the darkness of the night, very alone but always with people. And when we meet at last, we sit in a café, stuck to each other, because my finger found your ass and can’t let go. We pretend no-one sees this small intimate play. I found my fading star. I am fading too. I am in the process of loving you, more and more, the same way as I try to learn my love myself more and more.

Every day I hear myself saying, I love you so much. Although we hardly see each other. You made me the person I enjoyed being for such a long time. But then I discovered my own wildness and I must leave. And I still come back many times, to leave again. My life is a nomadic one now. But still there is this overwhelming love, expressed by sms, telephone or email. Knowing you are there, living your life, the way you are, makes me so happy. now when i think of you, i think of this colourful garden full of flowers, in the midst of summer.

I experienced that it is possible. To meet someone, and already after one day you feel so free with this person that you don’t need to put your clothes on, when you are in his house. The embraces are unconditional, the smelling of each others skin is like the morning sun falling in the house. To look you into the eyes is to read a book i didnt know it existed. It is so comfortable to see you working behind your computer, while i am reading poetry in bed. Yes, it happened so fast. You are no stranger anymore. You have a face, i let you into my heart. You are living your life, on the other side of the world. And I think, you are very happy with this.

We are standing in a chapel. We recognize each other immediately. It feels like magnets. We are standing not to close, not to far away from each other, and the whole time we feel the tension in the space between each other. A magic tension. I am silent. You experience how it is for me to be so silent. We are animals, not in the flesh, but in the mind.

We call each other friends, brother and sister, teacher and student, we call each other dancers of the same spirit, you by intention and training, and I just by intention. We do not see each other a lot, but we are family, I represent the european part of the family, you the asian part. How much trust and love can we handle, living our lives, with our own problems, desires, ambitions, deceptions? A lot, it suprises me always how generous we remain to each other.

dear you, they say your first love is your biggest love. But in love there is no competition, but still you are so close, so dear to me, i was 18, you a few months older when we started getting together. Now you are mother, having a home, with family and a lot of friends, yes, you have a lot of friends, and I travel, not seeing you for years, but i still love you, and still i am sorry. i had to go.

dear you, you left the world already a year and a half ago, and now we meet a lot when I travel itno the underworld. we are soulbrothers, dead and alive.

and mister beauty. what can i say, you opened a new period in my life, and every day of this new life i am thankful of these few moments we could share together.