united sorry

okay, ths is the life of a performer, working, no time for other thoughts, because i am to obsessed by trying to do it well, i am not used in being examined in looking for he right intention , the right form, it is not so easy, to show your not knowing, it took a lot of time to lose my self consciousness, i remembered that i was in the same situation with anne teresa, walking a a depressed man on stage, i discovered that i miss the instinct of a performer, the instinct of a dancer to move, when i move, it is all the time starting from a mental idea, a journey into another world, and now, when other things are asked, esepcially with voice, i felt a lot of times as a person who is blocked or very slow, a person who slows down the process, but now i start to be fine, i think, although i am still waiting for a sparkle of magic to come into my presence, but there is still a week to go.

it is amazing how  close you are with me, when i work for the stage. my friend in heaven, with the bleeding wrists, yo taught me how to act, you tought me how to be me, your first kiss was when you saw me dancing in a club  and you crossed the dancefloor, embraced me and thanked me. the second time was when you jumped in an peformance when i called for my lover, who i met in my dream and who would be in the public at that moment, you said you could not resist my call. And now you are dead already for such a long time, two years now.

and still when i read my blog of that time, i miss you so much, it is said so much during this rehearsals, don’t be so sad in your voice, in your presence, but you are with me, and sometime it is nice, because i love you so much and you are a real support, and sometimes i miss you so much, i lost so  many people in such a short time, my parents, my husband, my lover, you.

but there is a lot of work to do, i think…. and to be honest i love the work.