It’s raining
written on Monday, June 18th, 2007
It’s raining, outside, in my heart, in my life, too much work, i went to two friends yesterday, to have dinner with them, but one of them is a kind of therapist, and he said he wanted to give me a small pyschological portray, it would only take five minutes, he said, but at the end, it took two houres, and a lot of old trauma’s appeared on the surface, i left their home confused, extremely tired, and now the whole day it feels if i still must recover from a severe brain surgery.
and i thought i had everything under control, i just stopped going for my desires, decided to be patient with life, just living the life which comes on your path everyday, not expecting too much of it, but try to do all the things you have to do with a lot of devotion, but now suddenly a therapist appeared on my path and he brought me in a very strange kind of no-men-s land. exactly now, when i have a deadline for an article, i am thinking of what went wrong in my youth and how these things still influenced me in how i am nowadays.
so still a lot of work to do, not only in the outside world. i feel, the new piece will be not an easy one, and the making of it, will also not be easy for me… but still at the end it will be a funny piece, i hope, touching, but funny, because i think life remains always funny, also when there are so many difficulties in life you have to face. if you want it or not.
raining in amsterdam, not really captured in this picture. but i waited for a long time to go outside, beause i did not want to get wet, again and again…