united sorry

Yesterday I was at the gay sauna in Leipzig, for a few hours. I relaxed, had a light dinner in a darkly lit space and I witnessed the cruising of the other men from a distance. When I walked home, in the middle of the night. I felt liberated, totally free. I felt sexless, not without any sex, but even my astonishmentabout this kind of sex disappeared. To have this kind of sex seems to be not an important thing anymore for me. For a long time I had difficulties with sex, I felt excluded, not being part of this circle of people who are chasing, flirting, seducing. But now, almost fifty years old I feel it doesn’t interest me. To have sex in htis way is just not my hobby at this moment, i would say.

Perhaps my sexual energy manifests itself through the work, or by enjoying simple friendships, or just by living my life, traveling from one place to another.

So at last I disappeared as a person who struggled a lot with his tormented love life, being in love wiht persons who did not fancy him, or wanted him.. yes, i am even free of disappointments, or sorrow or missing someone.

At the same time i fell in love, in leipzig, with the piece i make there, with the people involved in the project over there. but also this love needs a lot of patience and care to develop…

I am writing this blog at the airport in Berlin, i fly home to celebrate the birthday of A. he gets sixty and he loves to celebrate it big. I am happy to go. A feeling of holiday.