how to stay with yourself
Monday, July 9th, 2007
I am working, living, thinking, loving, missing, yes, there is still a lot of missing, it feels as if missing somehow is part of my nature, and in the next solo i will dance with all the people i miss, dead friends, lost lovers, friends who are not there.
Why am i so possessive about these feelings of missing someone, why do i think i need someone outside me or something outside me to end my loneliness. Why do i think, a soulpartner will exist for me, when there is already so much love and friendship in my life?
I am still insecure about how i can dance through the circle of life alone. I have big periods of missing someone. I left already so many beautiful people in my quest for real intimacy. But what is intimacy at the end when you are not capable to be with yourself. I am sorry, dear reader, i think this blog becomes boring, i repeat myself, i wrote it so many times: how to get intimate with myself, myself enough. That’s a question i must answer before i even can be with someone i guess. It is also a question which forced me to go on stage, to share it with the audience.
I wonder what makes this feeling of missing in me.
I want that i am myself enough. But at the same time i understand that this wanting keeps me from coming there.
Yes, i know the mechanics, intellectually…
but….
…. Robert, i miss you….