united sorry

Early in the morning sitting in the train towards Paris, music on the headphone, and the feeling of happiness fills my body.

Why I am so happy. Am I happy with the birth of our new performance Feminine Delight? Now I experienced what it means to do for a public, I want to perform it more, show it to more people. It is quite an exciting feeling to imagine that the coming years we will work on trying to get it more and more exposed in the world

For a long time there was a fear around me, or a doubt, that what I did, was not worth seeing. It was an old habit, imprinted by my mother I think, that everything, which I did, was too weird, that no one would understand me and that I was too vulnerable to survive in the world of the adults.

Just before my birth, my father had lost his business, and his lawyer said to my mother that she was also responsible, because she was a strong woman, who could have save my father from taking these risks.

My mother was strong, but also had a lot, a lot, a lot of fears. Perhaps she was strong in her fears. And she thought she had to warn me for the outside world, and at the same time she was afraid for my inside.
Now her words can not influence me anymore. I left them behind, already for a long time.
And I feel reborn again. This time, I feel, I have other parents, my new mother’s background is the art, theatre, a thinking in performing, (role) playing, putting the world upside down, a dwelling in the subconscious, a living dark & light fantasies and my new father’s background is religion, science for beginners, poetry for dreamers, drugs-related experiences, curiosity. These are my stepparents and I am thankful to my parents they gave me the opportunity to recreate my background.

Still two days and then I will try-out my new solo I am a reborn smoker in Berlin. I do not want to prepare something for it, on the contrary I do not want to know now what I will create on the moment itself. For sure It will be something between storytelling and dancing. For sure dead friends, lost lovers, spiritual entities will visit my imagination, mind and body these three performancenights, but who and what, I have no idea.

I still have no idea, and that makes me so happy.

I arrive in Paris, we pass the platforms of the stations in the suburbs, a lot of black people are waiting for their local trains. I am excited. I still listen to a remix of Motown music on my headphone and dream of a multi-colored, open world. Let’s start in Europe. The place I was born. we have to change this europe, because let’s be reborn in a world without fences and borders.