exhausted
written on Friday, June 19th, 2009
so i am exhausted, after a show in fondation cartier, a conference at the sndo, and a brief encounter with eagle ager in new york. it is time to rest, but also to rethink what i do everywhere and nowhere.
because we do now a lot of in short period made pieces, i learn a lot about what works and doesn’t work. And i also discover that i get shy to confront the public with material which is really fresh. I like this autistic state when i see other performers, but i don’t like it when i see myself doing it.
yesterday evening i was really happy to learn that what we do never is isolated form the world outside, from the trees outside the buidling, the noise of the street, the sound of the house music on the other side of the street. and i learned that i love to dance, when martin plays his guitar, and we both don’t know where it will lead us, but we inform each other where we are heading. with frans and martin i found two guys with whom i can feel free. With Frans it is about sharing the same mental state of making something together, of looking at each other, to give space to each others phantasy. With Martin it is about finding the same sensitivity, the to deepen the atmosphere which emerges and brings it to a deep emotional state. Probably we will work all three together in this semi-improvised setting at the leopold museum in Vienna, in a space with the paintings of egon schiele.
i like to dance, it brings me to a state of tenderness or violence. It is nice to find a tender of violent timing in the body, in your own perception of space. And i like to write. By writing i want to reveal the subconscious, not only of myself, but also of my culture, our society. In what kind of world do i live, as a nomadic artist, travelling form one city to another.
Everywhere i meet nice people, people with an open mind, or an open face, or a open heart, or a combination of all this, but i feel reluctant to really get in dialogue, because i am a traveller.
yes, i easily can fall in love, in every city, i think my work is a lot about falling in love. Falling in love with an idea, with a work of art, with seing my colleagues.
And now, i am just exhausted, sitting in a cafe in paris, where they have wifi, so after one week of being of line, i can do some administration
. 
it is one o’clock , and i drink a white wine, to convince myself, that it is holiday