dwelling in the land of the death
written on Wednesday, January 3rd, 2007
I am dwelling in the darkness of the death. I meet my mother. She wears a pink night gown, and she has woolen socks at her feet. I meet my father, he is smoking a pipe. It is the first time I see him smoking a pipe, he always smoked cigars during his life. I see Sebastian, lying on a sofa, he is dressed as a roman boy, a white dress, a laurel wreath in his curly hair, suddenly he has a lot of blond curls now, he is playing with a teddy bear and a dildo, he is very young, and very boyish, i am happy to see him, to hug him and to feel his fresh energy of curiosity and lust for life. he is even more real than he was when i was with him in the world of the living.
It is indeed 2007, because I see Saddam Hussein, with a rope around his neck, he tries to explain to everyone, why he did what he did, and how difficult his life was when he was young, but no-one listens, everyone is impressed by the light tunnel which surrounds Saddam, sometimes it is totally dark around him, sometimes he is in the full spotlight.
I do not really feel at home here. I feel like a visitor who looks for refuge in the country of the death. it is like a sabbatical, i must learn to view life from the perspective of the death.
At last I see the deadly wounded deer and the puzzled beer, who accompanied him to here. they are the ones who made me visit this place. I am happy to find them. I sit down with them, They are still in a shock, and can not talk. But i feel their presence, and they feel mine. That's enough for now. i will wait and one day they will tell me what happened and I will lick their wounds, the physical, but also their mental ones, and I will bring them to the light again. That's what I want to do.
A christmas party hosts inquiry:
three men, ready to host the christmas party in the houseboat of andre. Do shoes or ties tell something about the different characters of these three men? Or the facial expressions? Answers you can send in to arran@xs4all.nl (You can not win a prize by finding the good answers, unfortunately.)