acting as a method not to be there anymore
written on Friday, April 11th, 2008
Allready five days rehearsing with Latifa, Jessica and Yves-Noel. For the first time I will perform in the work of another person. It is really a challenge. because I am asked to do things, i would never do myself, and still I must find a way to do it. I found out thatI am very slow.
The fifth day Latifa, who is the choreographer, was not there, so we immediately decided to work on the beach. It was cold and windy. And the mediterrannee looked like the north sea, like in the Netherlands, only the color at the horizon was slightly different. More greenish.
I decided to undress to do a small improvisation, i was laying in a little hole in the dunes, memories of a disturbed childhood appeared in my mind, while feeling the earth touching my naked skin. I realized that these feelings of insecurity stayed in my body for a long, long time, somewhere deep down, but always manipulating the way i see things. And now just without thinking of it, I start to understand what i can do in this performance. Can we control the direction of our associations? I don’t think so. I can’t.