united sorry

I am sitting again in the train in Austria I am looking at the snowy mountains, the suns is shining from behind a lot of clouds. I just met Hiah Park, in Vienna, the Korean Shaman, who had such a strong influence towards my work.

Just talking with her, I discovered how connected I am with her way of working, living and loving. It is as if I hear myself speaking, but then i immediately see that she speaks from a much more elaborated insight and wisdom.

When I met her the first time, she asked me to die. Although I didn’t succeed that time, it felt very natural to me. And sometimes it starts now to happen in my work, on stage, in my teachings, even in my love life ( although that is the hardest to let go)  When I die, the fear and desire disappear and the world opens into so many layers of reality.

So my most difficult death is this death of my big love for Stefan, this person who is was so sweet to me, and couldn’t answer my love, and wants to stay absent in my life. It made me an Orpheus or a Rumi, who finds his bliss in making art about the absence of the lover. Stefan became my mythical lover, who will be always unreachable, because he mirrors my soul and in this life I can’t cross the mirror. So I indeed I must die. To let him go. But even more important to let myself go.