united sorry

I am sitting again in the train towards Paris, yesterday we showed a run of the performance for the first time, the people who stayed afterwards liked it, but it is still not finished. It was very nice to perform for a public, I am quite happy now, and are happy to let it go for a week, and then we will have still two weeks in residency before the premiere.

Lately I did nothing else than rehearsing; it was difficult to concentrate on other projects, although I must write a lot of texts now, to make things possible in the future. Working as performer teaches me a lot about how you must follow the desires of someone else and at the same you must take your won own space to create. Otherwise nothing happens an dyou are only censuring yourself.

I dreamt a lot the last days, many images of being under the influence of ayuasca crossed my mind. In my dream I was with a bunch of people waiting in a room to become initiated, most of the people came from south America, and one man from Mexico, he was laying on my bed, and I felt very close to him, the families from South America were wondering what I did in the room, I was the only white person, but I said to them that we were all connected by the fact, we all had drank ayuasca. At that moment form the other corner of the room the gods of ayuasca entered our mind, as colorful radiant beings, with thousand wormlike arms, we all transformed in beasts, with a lot of fur.
But then suddenly everything disappeared, I was normal again and the Mexican man, was bare breasted. I knew I had to baptize him now, we were in an ugly city, somewhere in a third world country, I saw a parking lot with a transparent dance floor, and I learned that when I would dance there, the floor would change into a water basin and I could baptize this man, I loved him a lot, his body was very present in its proximity.

Going towards Paris, having a weekend off, one day in Paris, one day in Berlin, I feel suddenly very sexual and alive, I hardly slept last night, because my body and mind were so excited, I have no idea why. Perhaps it is the idea to see a very good friend this weekend, to see her show, to have dinner with her and her company. To have some wine, to party, yes I want to live. Or perhaps all this body heat just came from the fact that I didn’t take my coat of in the train and it is bloody hot in here…..