united sorry

I am already for a long time in a sick body, I have difficulties to sit, I have difficulties to sleep, and for sure I have difficulties to go to the toilet.

So I have a huge desire now that my body will change, and transform again in a healthy one. At the same time I can not escape this sick body, so I learn to live with it & I live it by the moment by paying every moment attention to what I feel Do I feel good today, can I endure the pain at this very moment etc.

I am really in the now of the pain.

And suddenly I understand why a lot of guru’s who emphasize living in the moment, had a digestion disease and suffered a lot of pain. They had rearrange their minds in order to live with the pain. they treat the pain like the weather, sometimes it rains, sometimes there is a burning sunshine. We must accept, that we can not change the illness ourselves. We must detach from our wish to become healthy.

And to take this living with pain a step further, now I wonder. Why did I fall in love wit a guy, who could not answer it, and why couldn’t I stop the suffering of my broken heart because of this. What did i have to learn by having this pain in my heart all the time.

It forced me to leave home, to leave my friends and old life behind, I had to learn more about the qualities of loss, Yes, I learned to live with loss, sadness, tears, confronting myself with the question: why did this happen to me?

Why did I hurt my partner for falling in love with someone else?
Why couldn’t this other person answer my love?

Now I know :

Loving for the fully 100% = living for the fully 100%
Missing someone for the fully 100% = Living for the fully 100%

Living for the fully 100% = loving unconditionally everything what comes on your path

Walking in the surroundings of Angers (France) i saw these trees, two couples, the left couple like twins, the right one more a marriage between an older, stronger one and a younger smaller one. Both are attractive to me…